Inside Your Corral

In chapter 18 of Everyman's Battle, the focus is on dealing with women who are in your social circle or "corral"; particularly, old girlfriends and ex-wives, and wives of friends. The authors warn: "...not every woman in these categories will be attractive to you. But if one of these women catchers your fancy or has retained a piece of your heart, something must be done. Each category has unique dangers, and each demands unique defenses...." This is a good chapter and touches on something that every man should take seriously.

Sometimes when things are not going well on the home front, men can dream about the good old days, particularly, idealized old flames: "If only I still had her in my life, things would be great." Of course, men don't remember the bad times with those women and, more importantly, they forget that they are married and have given up their rights to think about old flames. Basically, some men seek refuge in those relationships instead of dealing with the realities of a real relationship and turning to their only legitimate refuge, their Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Remember, we get into the most trouble when we love something or someone more than God, when we seek refuge in something other than God, and when we desire something more than God.

Additional trouble can come from relationships with friend's wives. The authors ask, "Have you ever had an attraction to a friend's wife?" To protect yourself and her, follow these guidelines:

1. Limit all conversations between you and your friend's spouse unless your wife or your friend is with you. Keep things light and short.
2. If you phone your friend and he isn't home, get off the line with his wife promptly. Don't be rude, but don't plan on talking more than briefly to her.
3. If you stop by your friend's house and he isn't home, she may invite you in. What do you do then? Politely decline to enter. What possible purpose is served by staying?
4. Capture any attractions toward your friend's wife and nuke them totally. Return to the rules of starving the eyes and taking such thoughts captive. Never, ever tell yourself, " Oh, I can handle it - no problem."

Of course, these are only guidelines; you have to be wise and use discernment in your relationships. The point is, don't let yourself get between your friend and his wife, or let her get between you and your wife. Arterburn and Stoeker advise, "Protect your friend's hopes and dreams as diligently as you're own hopes and dreams" for love and marriage.

Great advice. In the next couple of posts we'll wrap up this series covering the last part of the book, "Victory in Your Heart."